Simian Bonding
by PengyChan
Summary: After a villain convention gone wrong, Ron finds himself stuck with Monkey Fist. Literally. And standing each other for a whole day while keeping their sanity - or what's left of it - isn't going to be easy.


_A/N: so, here is my entry for the Monkey Fist Appreciation Day. I was watching "Bonding" again when I got the idea that it could be fun having poor Ron stuck with Monkey Fist, so yeah, here you go - basically a bunch of silly scenes XD As usual, it got much longer than I had planned it to be, but that is hardly a surprise._

_Enjoy!_

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* * *

_

"Come on, monkey muffin, it's not _fair_ hiding!" DNAmy giggled, glancing around at the apparently empty room "let me huggle you!"

When Hell freezes over, Monkey Fist thought as he silently crept closer to the window, inwardly cursing himself for showing up at that blasted villain convention. Why in the world had he thought it would be a good idea anyway? Yes, Jack Hench's products could be quite useful from time to time, and even someone as little technology-oriented as he was knew that checking from time to time couldn't hurt…then again, he thought as he finally managed to reach the window and silently opened it, he hadn't taken in consideration one important detail – DNAmy. That she would be there was pretty much a given, but for some reason he had hoped that she had finally given up on him, or else that she would be more…professional when surrounded by other villains.

Apparently, he had been wrong – barely ten minutes after the convention had officially begun, she was already chasing him through the whole building, much to everybody's hilarity. But he would get them back, he thought with a grimace, faintly wondering the reason of the shouts and explosions he had heard coming from the third floor a few minutes before while. Maybe they had begun fighting each other for some reason, or maybe Kim Possible or some other self-proclaimed hero had gotten there – but at the moment, he honestly didn't care.

All he cared about was getting out of there, he though, sneaking out of the window and glancing around. He wasn't very high, so he could easily jump down and get away before she saw--

"Oh, _there_ you are!" DNAmy's sudden shriek as she spotted him caused Monkey Fist to yelp and instinctively scramble away, losing his balance and falling down from the window. Oh, well – it was still better than getting a spine-braking hug, wasn't it?

* * *

"Tell me again why we did _this_," Kim sighed, taking a peek around the corner to make sure no one had gotten there. She should have known that infiltrating into a villain convention wouldn't be a bright idea, especially considering what had happened last time they had tried to do so. Needless to say, they had been spotted in minutes – well, _Ron_ had been spotted in minutes…but when someone falls from the ventilation duct to fall right on the table where some of the villains kept some of the items they had brought to trade, being spotted is pretty much inevitable. At least they had managed to lose them.

"Ron, you're standing too _close_," Kim said as she stopped on her tracks, causing Ron to nearly bump in her "if you touch me, we get stuck. And getting stuck _now_ isn't exactly a good idea."

"Hey, it's not my fault if that…thing with Dementor's bonding stuff got activated."

"Well, if you hadn't fallen on it…"

"Okay, okay, fine, my fault," Ron rolled his eyes as they finally managed to sneak out of the building "don't worry, I got the lesson: I won't touch any--"

"Ron, look out!"

"Uh?" Ron Stoppable had barely enough time to glance at Kim's horrified expression before something heavy fell on him from above, knocking him to the ground and pinning him face down. "Ow!" he groaned, and his groan was immediately followed by another one.

"What…?" Monkey Fist groaned, blinking and looking up to see Kim Possible worriedly staring down at him "Kim Possible," he said coldly, trying to get up to take a fighting stance…and miserably failing: as he tried to jump on his feet, he felt like a sudden weight keeping him on the ground where he was lying. Because he _was_ lying on the ground, right?

The monkey man turned his head to look. "Stoppable!" he seethed, immediately trying to roll off him so he could stand and face him…but once again, as he rolled over, he felt that odd weight, and getting up took him a lot more effort than it should have. "Uh?" he blinked as he saw Stoppable wasn't on the ground anymore – since when was he that quick?

"Aw, _c'mon_…" Kim groaned as she saw Ron hanging from Monkey Fist's back, his feet not even reaching the ground. Why with _Monkey Fist_ of all people?

"Uh, dude? Over here."

Monkey Fist immediately turned, almost stumbling forward because of the unexpected weight on his back, but there was no one behind him.

"Hey, careful with these swirls! I just ate, you know!" Ron protested. Monkey Fist looked over his shoulder, and he finally understood what the reason of that odd weight was – _Stoppable_ was the cause. He was stuck on his back.

"Get off me, Stoppable!" he snarled, trying without much success to reach back to get him off himself "get off this very instant!"

"I can't! I'm trying, you know, but I _can't_!"

Kim sighed as she watched Monkey Fist trying without any success to reach behind his back for Ron's neck, then she grabbed the Kimmunicator. "Wade, I think we're going to need you for _this _sitch," she said, holding up the device so Wade could see what was going on.

"Oh," the boy genius blinked "stuck?"

"Yeah."

"Dementor's bonding solution again?"

"You got it. He had the de-bonding formula last time, so I guess he still has it – but he left the convention already. Can you try to find him?"

"Sure. What will you until then?"

Kim sighed again. "I'll try to keep Monkey Fist from hurting Ron, I guess. And to keep them from driving each other insane."

"Can Monkey Fist get any more insane?"

"Good point, but leave it to me – just find Dementor, okay?"

"Okay. Oh, and I got you a ride back home. It will be there in a few minutes."

"You rock, Wade," Kim said before switching off the Kimmunicator and turning he attention back to the unlikely pair in front of her – it looked like Monkey Fist had given up on trying to reach for Ron's neck, but he was still trying to get him off himself. "You can stop trying, it won't work. We need a de-bonding thing to separate you."

"We need…what?"

"It was Dementor's bonding solution to bound you. Until we get the antidote, you'll stay stuck. There is no way to separate you otherwise. Wade is looking for him."

"Aw, man, not again!" Ron whined "he's even worse than Mr. Barkin!"

"Are you telling me I'll have to stay stuck with this…this _buffoon _until you can track down Dementor?" Monkey Fist nearly yelled, looking absolutely furious.

"Uh…yeah, you'll have to. Sorry. Ron, you better warn your parents that you'll have guest overnight…"

"_Excuse me?" _Monkey Fist interrupted her "if you think I'm going to follow you, you're very much mistaking!"

Kim shrugged. "Whatever – but I think you better do so. Our ride is getting here," she said, pointing up at a helicopter that was just landing nearby "and you might want to find a quick way to get away from here," she said, looking up at the window Monkey Fist had fallen from.

The monkey man frowned. "Now, why should I--" he began, but he froze as a much feared voice reached his ears from above.

"_Honey bunny!"_

Monkey Fist yelped, looking around like a hunted animal before looking at Kim again. "So?" she said, raising an eyebrow with a smirk as she walked closer to the helicopter "reconsidering?"

"I _loathe _you," he growled, but he bolted to the helicopter with no further hesitation, dragging Ron with him.

* * *

"Okay, here we are," Kim said as they stepped in front of Ron's lawn "Wade should have warned your parents already – do you want me to get in with you anyway?"

"Nah, I think it should be fine – it's not like it's going to last much anyway…right?" Ron asked hopefully.

"I should hope not," Monkey Fist said dryly. The idea of having to spend God knew how much time stuck with Stoppable of all people was less than appealing to him. After they had gotten far enough from DNAmy he had briefly considered leaving and look for Dementor on his own, but he had quickly discarded the idea: not only it would be difficult doing much of anything with Kim Possible chasing him and with Stoppable stuck on him – and with all his vital parts out of his reach, he mused grimly – but it would also take him more time: as much as he hated to admit it, their computer genius could probably find Dementor much more quickly than he could. As much as he disliked the idea, he better simply play along until they could nullify the effect of the bonding solution – then he would make them regret _everything_ he was going through.

Kim frowned as she turned to look at him. "Just in case you got any weird idea – _no troubles_. For once we all want the same thing--"

"Technically, this is the second time," Ron piped in "when we were locked up in DNAmy's dungeon that time, we all wanted to escape."

Monkey Fist shuddered. "Thanks for reminding me one of the most dreadful experiences of my life."

"You're welcome."

"…I suppose 'sarcasm' doesn't mean anything to you, does it?"

Kim sighed. "Anyway," she said, trying to get their attention back "we all want to get things back to normal and separate you two, so how about cooperating for once?"

Monkey Fist raised an eyebrow. "Cooperating?"

"As in 'let's try to not give each other any trouble until the situation is solved'," Kim clarified "it sounds like the best solution to me."

Monkey Fist grimaced at the thought, but he had to admit she had a point. "I'll try – but I can't tell how much time I can spend with _him_," he turned to glare at the portion of Ron's head he could see by looking over his shoulder "without giving in to the temptation to wipe him from existence," he said coldly, causing Ron to cringe.

"Uh…KP? Say something?"

"Yeah, too bad you can't reach for any vital part of him – you tried already. And even if you _could_, I wouldn't if I were you," Kim said sharply, glaring at the monkey man "let's get things straight – if anything happens to Ron, I'll kick your butt and make sure you stay in prison for _a lot_ of time. Do you think you can fight me with Ron's weight stuck on your back?"

Monkey Fist narrowed his eyes. As much as he loathed to admit it, she had a point – he wouldn't be able to fight her with Stoppable on his back…nor he fancied the idea of having to stay with a corpse stuck on him until he get that blasted antidote from Dementor. "Fine," he seethed "I suppose we could call this a truce – for now."

"Er…'for now' means 'until you are far from me', right?"

Monkey Fist rolled his eyes. "I guess so."

Kim shrugged. It wasn't much of a mutual helping compromise, but she guessed it would have to do for now.

* * *

"Tell me once again why am I walking backwards," Monkey Fist said as he stepped inside – backwards, of course – and closed the door behind…well, in front of him, technically.

"Hey, it's not my fault if my feet can't reach the ground. And I told you, my mom better see me first. She wouldn't take it well if she only saw a perfect stranger in the living room," he said before calling out "mom? I'm home!"

"Hi, Ronald," Mrs. Stoppable's voice came from the kitchen a moment before her head popped out from the kitchen doorway "still stuck?"

The boy nodded. "Yeah," he said, gesturing to Monkey Fist – who, on the other hand, could only stare at the wall in front of him wondering why exactly had he put himself in that situation.

…oh, right. Escaping from DNAmy.

"Good evening," he said somewhat grudgingly, turning as much as he could – he better try to play along for now, he reminded himself with a grimace.

The woman replied just with a short nod, definitely not looking happy, which confirmed something he had been wondering – she did know who he was. Or, at least, she knew he was a criminal. "I already set up the guest room," she said "dinner will be ready in a couple of--" her last words were suddenly covered by a powerful sneeze that caused everyone to turn to see Mr. Stoppable leaning against the wall, sneezing again and again as his face began to redden.

"What…?" the poor man managed to whimper, blinking as his eyes began to tear up.

"Uh-oh," Ron glanced down at Monkey Fist's feet – how come he hadn't thought about it before? "Dude, I'm afraid he's allergic to your monkey hair."

"You _think_?" the monkey man said sarcastically as Mr. Stoppable ran out of the room to get in the bathroom.

"Oh, dear," Mrs. Stoppable shook her head with a sigh "don't worry, he'll be fine once he takes his meds," she added – as if he could ever be even vaguely worried about the buffoon's father's health, Monkey Fist mused. "But as for _you_," she went on, glaring at her son and causing him to cringe "why didn't you _warn_ us about this detail?"

"I thought Wade had told you already! Really!" he protested nervously, much to Monkey Fist's amusement. Now _that_ was something he was glad to witness.

Mrs. Stoppable sighed. "Oh, well, I guess it will be fine – he only stayed here for a few moments," she said, taking a mental note to check her husband as soon as she was done in the kitchen. Thankfully, it wasn't like he had any serious trouble with his allergy – nothing worse than his face swelling and the continuous sneezing – so she didn't actually have anything to worry about. "I just hope no one is allergic at school as well."

"Not that I know."

Monkey Fist's jaw dropped. "_School_?" he repeated, as if it was some kind of foreign word "you can't expect me to actually get inside a _school_!"

Mrs. Stoppable's eyes narrowed. "You think?"

"Yes! I absolutely refuse to--" Monkey Fist trailed off as she suddenly held up a fork just a few inches from his face.

"Let me make this _clear_," Mrs. Stoppable said, taking a menacing step forward and waving the fork dangerously close to Monkey Fist's face, causing him to shift uncomfortably "I don't care if Ron has to chase you in the middle of a jungle or…whatever in the afternoons, but he's _not_ going to skip a full school day because of you or…any of you freaks. Understand?"

Monkey Fist opened his mouth to protest and say he wouldn't let a middle-aged American housewife give him orders or threaten him, but before he could say anything Ron elbowed him. "Dude, do as she says. You don't want to get hurt, right?" he quickly whispered, sounding rather nervous.

The monkey man only needed another quick glance at the fork she was still pointing at his face to quickly decide that no, he didn't fancy the idea of having that stuck up his nose. Maybe ,iddle-aged American housewives could be fiercer opponents that he had anticipated after all. "Fine," he finally growled with a scowl, still occasionally glancing at the fork "the buf-- your son won't skip school tomorrow morning," he said resentfully, biting his tongue before he could add he highly doubted going to school could be an effective remedy for his idiocy – that fork was still too close to his face for his tastes.

"Oh, fine then," Mrs. Stoppable said, sounding considerably more cheerful as the used to fork to start mixing the salad, causing Monkey Fist to blink for the sudden change of attitude "it's almost ready – you have to eat first so I can clean up before my husband does. He's allergic to fur, as you probably noticed."

"Yes, I definitely did," the monkey man said dryly "and I suppose this means you're sending us to sleep outside as well…" he said sarcastically, and his jaw dropped as Mrs. Stoppable nodded "…excuse me?"

* * *

"Aw, c'mon, dude, it's not my fault if dad is allergic. Besides, you already sleep on trees, so no need to glare at me like that…" Ron grinned somewhat nervously as he shifted a little under the blankets, trying to find a comfortable position – he wasn't used to sleep on his side, and the hard floor of the threehouse didn't really help. That was even worse than having to share the couch with Barkin when he had been stuck with him – well, at least Monkey Fist wasn't taking all the blankets for his stuffed teddy bear (or monkey, or whatever) like Barkin had. On the other hand, the fact Monkey Fist would gladly kill him if he got a chance didn't precisely make him comfortable enough to sleep.

Monkey Fist, who was apparently much more familiar than Ron was with the whole sleeping-on-the-treehouse thing, just scoffed. "Stoppable, you're stuck on my _back_. Even if I _wanted_ to glare at you – and believe me, your face is a sight I would be glad to be spared for the rest of my life – I cannot."

"Unless you turned your head backwards like that girl in that movie – the Exorcist, you know," Ron paused, shuddering a little at the memory "can you do that?"

"What?"

"Turning your head backwards."

Monkey Fist rolled his eyes, muttering something about endless pits of stupidity under his breath. "I'm afraid that is a kind of ability that doesn't come with Mystical Monkey Power or ninja training," he said dryly.

"Yeah, but if you never try, you never know."

"Oh, but I will try as soon as I can get you off my back – literally."

"Really?"

"Of course. But it will be _your_ head I will turn backwards you don't shut that annoying mouth of yours," he growled, causing Ron to shudder a little.

"Er…I think I'll pass."

"Why, weren't you the one who said that if you don't even try you never find out?" Monkey Fist asked snidely.

Ron chuckled nervously. "I changed my mind."

"I wonder why," the monkey man muttered, leaning his head back on the pillow. He waited for a few minutes, but no other sound came from the boy, and he could finally close his eyes and let himself drift to sleep, dreaming of what exactly he would do to him once the effect of the bonding solution finally wore off. He would wrap his hands around his neck, place his thumbs on his windpipe and…

"AHHHHH! MONKEYS!"

"What the _hell_…?!" Monkey Fist's eyes snapped open as a terrifying, blood-curling scream suddenly snapped him from his sleep, causing him to scramble to bolt upright…well, to _try_ bolting upright – with very little success, since his back was still stuck to Ron's. "Have you gone _insane_, Stoppable?" he snapped, his heart still thundering in his chest from the rough awakening.

"What? Uh…" had he been more lucid, Ron could have retorted that he wasn't exactly a guy whose opinions on sanity and insanity he was willing to listen, but he was still terrified by his dream – being stuck by the back to Bobo the Chimp from Camp Wannaweep – to put that much together "…I had a bad dream?"

"I noticed," Monkey Fist snarled, furious by how he had nearly jumped out of his skin because of that poor idiot's monkey nightmares. But honestly, wasn't that the reaction anyone would have at being awakened by someone screaming as if they were being skinned alive? "I see you are still a monkey-phobic fool."

"Hey, it's not like you helped, you know! You tried to kill me with that freaky Mystical Monkey thing!"

"You disrespectful little…you can't faintly imagine what a blessing and honour being the bearer of Mystical Monkey Power is!"

"Actually, I do. I got that thing as well, remember? Ouch!" he yelped as Monkey Fist kicked his leg.

"You never appreciated or deserved it! You simply _stole_ it from me!" he snarled.

"But you were trying to kill me!"

"I wish I had succeeded," Monkey Fist muttered darkly.

"Wow, thanks. Anyway, I kinda wanted to _stay alive_, you know…"

"You shouldn't have been there in the first place! You should have minded you own business instead than looking for information about me or Tai Shing Pek Kwar!"

"Wait a minute – we never looked up for any information on _you_! Kim just wanted to ask your help – we didn't even suspect you stole the statues until you blurted it out yourself, remember?"

Monkey Fist gritted his teeth at the thought, trying to kick him again – oh, how he wished he could turn to put his hands on him! "Given your current predicament, Stoppable, I believe it is in your own interest to _not remind me_."

"…oh. Right," Ron chuckled nervously "so, uh…how about sleeping?"

"This is the first intelligent thing I heard from you in the whole day," the monkey man muttered, resting his head back on the pillow. There was a brief silence, then the monkey man scowled as he felt the boy shifting for a few minutes before finally calling out.

"Er…dude?"

"What?"

"I think I…you know…well, I need a bathroom break."

"What?" Monkey Fist nearly snarled "and you just thought about it _now_?"

"Hey, I didn't need to before," Ron said defensively "and it's not like we gotta break in, I can use the bushes down there. You just have to climb down and then climb back up when I'm done."

"With you on my back all the time, I suppose."

"Yeah."

"Is there a reason why I should do that?"

"Unless you want something bad to happen while I'm sleeping right here…"

Yes, now that was more than enough of a reason. "Fine," the monkey man snarled a moment before leaping out of the treehouse and grabbing a branch, causing Ron to shriek. "What?"

"You could at least warn before jumping like that!" the boy protested, but Monkey Fist just rolled his eyes without replying before swiftly climbing down to the ground and walking to the bushes nearby.

"Be quick, I'd very much like to sleep," he growled as he turned so Ron could face the bushes.

"Whoa, do you always have to be so bitter?" the boy asked, reaching to unzip his trousers – it was too cold outside to even think about sleeping with his pajamas "I mean, it's not like the greatest situation ever, but one could try to look on the bright side…"

"_Bright side?" _Monkey Fist asked, rising an eyebrow "I'm currently stuck with the most annoying person I ever knew--"

"Hey, not true – you're stuck with _me_!"

"Precisely," he said dryly "and in addition at being stuck with _you_, I'm standing in your backyard in the middle of the night while you're using some bushes as a toilet – not to mention that your lovely mother made it very clear that I'll have to come with you in your school tomorrow morning unless I want her to do something that would drastically change my facial features for good," Monkey Fist grimaced "that said, could you please explain what your idea of a 'bright side' exactly is?"

"Well…" Ron thought for a moment as he zipped his trousers back up "you could have been stuck with DNAmy instead."

Monkey Fist shuddered at the thought. "As much as I loathe to admit it, you do have a point," he said sourly as he quickly climbed back on the tree and inside the treehouse.

"Booyah!"

"What was _that_ for?"

"Well, you admitted I had a point, so…"

"I take it back," Monkey Fist said with a sigh "now, would it be asking too much to let me sleep?" he asked as they somewhat managed to lie back down and got the blankets over themselves.

"Okay, okay, but you did say I was-- ouch!"

"_Stoppable!"_

"Shutting up."

"It was about time," Monkey Fist grumbled, leaning his had on the pillow again and closing his eyes with a scowl. His scowl, however, slowly melted as he listened to the blissful silence of the night, only disturbed by the gentle rustling of leaves in the wind, the distant cry of some nocturne bird – an owl, no doubt – the sound of the crickets, the noise of Stoppable's snoring…

…wait a minute.

"Stoppable!" Monkey Fist growled, elbowing the boy's side – or, at least, the part of the boy's side he could hit from their position.

"Ouch! Who…? What…? Dude, are you nuts?"

"I _might_ become nuts if you don't quit snoring!" the monkey man barked "I've heard _gorillas_ sleeping more quietly than you do!"

"Oh," Ron frowned in thought for a moment "have you referring to real gorillas or to DNAmy with that gorilla body? Because in that case, in that caseI'd wonder how you know if she-- hey!" he cried out as Monkey Fist let out a growl and suddenly got up, dragging Ron with him, and slammed his back against the nearest wall, causing Ron to smash against the wooden wall. "Ouch! What was _that_ for?" Ron whined, rubbing his forehead.

"You must never, _ever_ imply there is _anything_ different from a purely professional relationship going on between me that woman again!" Monkey Fist nearly bellowed "have I made myself clear enough?"

"Okay, okay, fine! Geez, dude, you sure are _touchy_ about her," Ron rubbed his forehead "are you sure you don't-- no, wait!" he protested as Monkey Fist tried to slam him against the wall again. Out of reflex, Ron raised his legs and bounced off the wall as Monkey Fist tried to smash him against it, causing him to lose his balance and fall face down on the floor with Ron on his back. "Booyah!" he shouted in triumph "so, monkey, who's the man? Who's the-- _ow_!"

"Don't try to challenge me, Stoppable!" Monkey Fist snarled as he elbowed Ron's side again and managed to roll over, pressing Ron face down on the floor with his weight "you stand no chance against a Master of--" he trailed off as Ron kicked him and managed to roll over, pinning him against the floor again – stuck with their backs against each other's and without anything to hold onto within their reach, neither of them had any way to actually keep the other pinned on the floor for long.

Not that it would stop them, of course. Rufus sighed and shook his head as he watched them rolling on the floor, shouting and kicking and trying to hit each other as much as they could do in their current position. It was even more embarrassing than their hand-slap fight in DNAmy's dungeon, the mole rat mused with a sigh. Oh, well, at least he was sure there was no risk they could actually get hurt as long as they were bounded by their backs and just kept struggling and rolling on the floor like that. No risk, just as long as they didn't roll too close to the edge and--

"AHHHHH!"

"Uh?" Mr. Stoppable sleepily sat up on his bed as he heard something similar to a scream followed by a heavy thud outside the window. He yawned and rubbed his eyes, still a little swollen because of his earlier allergic reaction. "Have you heard that?" he asked, tuning to his wife.

She just shrugged without even opening her eyes. "No, I heard nothing. Get back to sleep."

* * *

"Ron, don't stuff your mouth like that, or you might choke," Ron's mother mildly chided her son as she watched him eat his breakfast "here is your tea."

"I wish," Monkey Fist muttered under his breath before reaching for the steaming cup "thank you," he said somewhat grudgingly, more out of habit than because he actually meant it – but after that nightmarish night, a hot cup of tea was heaven. Besides, what was he supposed to _say_ to the mother of the insufferable boy he would someday swat like the worthless insect he was?

"Any idea of how you're going to make that bonding solution wear off?" Mrs. Stoppable asked, taking a mental note to clean up the kitchen before her husband got there – even one single hair could be enough to make his allergy show up, she mused, glancing at Monkey Fist's monkey limbs in distaste. What was wrong with that guy anyway?

"Mhfgghh," Ron muttered through a mouthful of cereals.

"I believe we'll have to wait until their friend can locate Dementor and thus ask him the antidote," Monkey Fist translated, sipping some tea "which I _hope_ will happen as soon as possible."

_One whole day like this, and I'll go insane._

"_Ask_ him for the antidote?" Ron asked, finally swallowing his cereals "do you think he would gladly hand it over it to us?"

"To you? No. To me? Yes," Monkey Fist remarked "he owes me a favour or two, and if I'm the one asking for it, I'm certain that blustering schnauzer will handle me the antidote with no qualms."

"Oh," Ron blinked "we hadn't thought about it."

"Of course you hadn't – I'm not surprised that the mere idea of settling things in a civil way never occurred to you," the monkey man sneered "I presume it's an American thing, jumping head first in trouble without even considering other ways…"

Ron made a face. "Too bad. I wanted some action, and with Dementor it's always fun…"

"You can forget it, Stoppable – I'm not letting any villain see me with _you_ more than it's necessary," Monkey Fist snapped.

Ron rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay, no need to tie yourknickersin a knot," he muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't tie your knickers in a knot. It means--"

"I _know_ what it means. I suppose I should no longer be surprised by your juvenile and immature language…"

"_C'mon_, dude, can't you speak for more than twenty seconds without saying something insulting?"

"With you? Hardly."

* * *

"Okay, stop here. A little to the left…turn another little bit…hey, take a step back, I can't reach my lock-- no, wait!"

BLAM.

"Can you reach your locker _now_, Stoppable?" Monkey Fist asked smoothly, stepping away from the lockers with a grin and ignoring the curious glances he kept getting from the students. None of them seemed actually surprised – it wasn't probably the first time they witnessed something weird involving Stoppable – but the curious looks they kept giving to the monkey man were unnerving to say the least.

Ron groaned, rubbing his forehead, but he had enough sense to not complain. "Yeah," he said grudgingly, opening the locker – was it just him, or now it looked like his features were printed on it? "Thanks _a lot_."

Monkey Fist's grin widened. "Anytime," he said as Kim Possible and a girl he had never seen in his life turned the corner to join them.

"Hi, Kim. Hey, Monique."

"Er…hello, Ron," the girl called Monique said, glancing both at him and Monkey Fist with a rather baffled expression.

"Isn't that Ron's _face_ imprinted on the locker?" Kim asked, glaring at Monkey Fist.

"As a matter of fact, it is," the monkey man turned to glance at the locker himself, "I must admit I liked it better before. Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rather impolite to stare at someone?" he finally snapped, turning to the girl next to Kim, who had been staring at him with a rather baffled expression.

Monique raised an eyebrow. "Oh, _sorry_. But you know, this isn't something you see every day," she said, gesturing to Ron as he hung from the monkey man's back, his feet barely touching the ground. And ew, the guy really had monkey hands and feet. Sometimes she had almost thought Kim and Ron had made up that detail to joke or something. And what the heck was that black…thing he was wearing anyway?

"Curious, I would have thought nothing could surprise you anymore after spending your mornings in the same building with these two," the monkey man said sarcastically.

"_These two_ have names, you know," Kim said sharply, narrowing her eyes, but much to her annoyance Monkey Fist simply shrugged. "How did it go tonight, Ron?"

The boy groaned. "You have no idea."

"Amusing – shouldn't I be the one complaining here?" Monkey Fist asked "especially since you're the one who woke up screaming, snored and kept talking and kicking in his sleep."

"Yeah, but if it wasn't for you we wouldn't have fallen from the tree!"

Kim blinked. "The tree?"

"We had to sleep on the treehouse – dad was allergic to the hair on his hands and feet."

Monique made a face. "Ouch."

"Yeah, ouch is the word."

"How long are they going to stay stuck?" Monique asked, still occasionally glancing at the guy's hands and feet. Now that really was a guy whose brain wasn't working the right way.

"Not much, I hope," Kim said with a shrug "I just hope Wade will locate Dementor as soon as--"

"Ooookay, and here I thought you couldn't get any weirder," a familiar voice came from behind them, causing Kim to grimace even more.

"Not _now_, Bonnie. We've got a sitch here."

"Yeah, I _see_," Bonnie raised an eyebrow, glancing at Monkey Fist "isn't that the Lowerton Lemurs mascot? What is he doing here? And why is the loser hanging from his back?"

"Mascot?_ Lemur?" _Monkey Fist seethed, but no one paid any attention to him.

"They're stuck. By Dementor's bonding thing," Kim explained "like it happened to us, remember?"

"Oh, yeah," Bonnie made a face at the memory, but she suddenly didn't look quite as hostile as before, much to Kim's relief. Well, after all they _had_ learned something about each other that time. "So, you fell for the trick again? Figures," she asked, shaking her head at Ron before suspiciously glancing at Kim again "that stuff didn't get on you too, right?" she asked, taking a step back.

Kim sighed – well, she had to expect at least that from Bonnie. "No, it didn't. Don't worry, we won't get stuck when _I'll_ stand on _you _during the practice," she said with a smirk.

"We'll see who'll stand on _who_," Bonnie said with a shrug and a similar grin "you have no chance to make a decent number. Anyway, Tara was looking for you – something about the uniforms, I think. See you, loser – have fun with the hairy freak," she said, waving at them as she turned to leave.

"What? _You little_…" Monkey Fist yelled, taking a step forward, but Kim blocked him.

"No trouble here, okay?" she said sharply, standing between him and Bonnie's retreating back, then she sighed. That's why villains and school should never mix, she thought "and if I found out you caused _any_ trouble to anyone while I wasn't looking, you'll be sorry. Is that clear?"

Monkey Fist growled, but he didn't try to do anything rash – he knew he wouldn't be able to put up much of a fight against Kim Possible as long as Stoppable was stuck on his back. "Fine," he finally said resentfully. He would be able to make her pay for her impertinence once he got rid of Stoppable, after all.

"Great. Ron, I'm going to see what Tara needs," Kim said as she turned to walk down the hall "I'll be back in a minute – see you in the class. And no trouble," she repeated, glaring at Monkey Fist.

"What? Wait, KP, don't leave me alone with this guy again! Monique, where are you going?"

"I've got my class of fashion and design, remember? I take the history class in the afternoon," Monique said with a shrug before uncertainly glancing at both him and Monkey Fist. "So, er…good luck?"

"Why, _thank you_," Monkey Fist said sarcastically, still fuming for that impertinent girl's comment and for his incapability of making her regret her words. Well, no matter – she would pay eventually, like everyone else that had ever dared to insult him or stand in his way. Someday he would be the Ultimate Monkey Master, and then…

"Stoppable, you better explain this. Now," a stern voice he was pretty sure he had heard at least once already suddenly snapped him from his thoughts. He turned to see a tall man with broad shoulders and a rather annoyed expression looking both at him and Stoppable. "I hope you have a very good explanation," he added. It was clear he didn't appreciate meeting strangers in the school.

Ron swallowed, glancing briefly over his shoulder at Monkey Fist. "Oh, about this? Yeah, it's just…well, we kinda got stuck, but it's only temporary. He won't be here tomorrow," he added quickly.

"Stuck?"

"Yeah – the guy with the helmet's bonding thing. Like you and me that one time, remember?" Ron added almost hopefully – maybe there was a chance Barkin would be a little more mellow if he reminded him of that…accident.

Much to his relief, Barkin sighed. "Yes, I remember," he said before turning his full attention on Monkey Fist, then he frowned. "I get the feeling we already met. Aren't you the one that impersonated a lemur mascot at the match last year?" he asked, a menacing note in his voice.

"A _mascot_?" Monkey Fist repeating indignantly "for your information I am _no_ mascot, nor have I ever tried to impersonate one – let alone a _lemur_! I was on a quest get an the ancient amulet of the Monkey King, allowing me to fulfil my destiny as the Ultimate--"

"Yeah, whatever," Barkin cut him off, tuning again to look at Ron "where did you find this particular nutcase, Stoppable?"

"Uh…" Ron hesitated, wondering if telling Barkin the whole story would result with him calling an ambulance to get both him and the monkey man to the closest mental hospital "it's a long story."

"_Nutcase?" _came Monkey Fist's outraged shriek "how _dare_ you…!" he began, but he trailed off as Barkin grabbed the front of his gi and drew him closer, causing poor Ron to stumble backwards in the process.

"No. Yelling. In. The. Halls," he spat, "this is a _school_, lemur, not some _zoo_."

Monkey Fist snarled, glaring back at him. "Could have fooled me," he said "I suppose this place would hold more intelligent creatures if it was indeed a zoo. Especially if _Stoppable_ is your idea of average student," he said slyly.

"Hey!" Ron protested.

"Knock it off, Stoppable," Barkin said, briefly glaring at him before abruptly letting go of Monkey Fist's gi "considering the circumstances I'll let it pass this time – but this is the last time you're allowed to bring any of those…nutcases you are involved with inside the school or anywhere close to _me_. First there was that crazy genetist on Mount Middleton, and then that…that _demented_ guy who--"

Monkey Fist blinked. Crazed genetist? "DNAmy?" he asked without thinking, and the way Barkin tried to repress a shudder pretty much told him he had guessed right.

"You _know_ her?" Barkin asked, nervously glancing around as if he feared she or any of her homemade creatures could appear from behind a corner.

"If I _know_ her?" Monkey Fist said "that woman is turning my life into a living hell! It was trying to escape from her when I got stuck with this buffoon!"

"Hey, I got feelings, you know!" Ron tried to protest, but none of them was paying attention to him anymore.

"Tell me about it! She was all flirty, and force-fed me inhuman amounts of cocoa, and then she brought us in that lab of hers, with those…those…things, and she turned me into a mole-man – a _mole-man_!" he nearly shouted, grabbing the front of the monkey man's gi again as if to emphasize his words.

From Ron's pocket, Rufus whimpered at the memory. Monkey Fist looked down at the small creature and shuddered. "You have my sympathy," he said "but at least she still had a human body when she went after _you_, I suppose…"

Barkin's eyes widened. "Do I even _want_ to know this one?" he asked.

"No," Monkey Fist shook his head with a grimace "you do not wish to know more. Just know that she decided to mess up with gorilla DNA, and used it on herself."

The other man shuddered before regaining his composure and letting him go. "That woman is…sick. And wrong."

"An appropriate choice of words."

"That is _my_ choice of words," Ron protested, trying to get their attention back.

"_Shut up_, Stoppable," both men said in perfect unison, then Barkin spoke again.

"And as if it wasn't enough, after I was turned back to normal, my clothes were on the mole rat – I had to get out in the snow and escape an avalanche with a _bathrobe_. I got the flu of my life," Barkin made a face at the memory "all because one other creatures wandered outside and made everyone think there was a monster on the mountain – there was a reward for a photo, and I went looking for it. What a mistake," he shuddered again "and how about you?"

"I had to contact her for…professional purposes, but I'm afraid she got the wrong idea of my intentions," Monkey Fist grimaced "and I haven't managed to make her get it off her mind yet. She's been stalking me around the _world_ for nearly a year now, and she tried to kidnap me at least--"

"Stalking?" Barkin immediately paled and turned to look around "she doesn't know you're _here_, does she?"

"Of course not – and she has no reason to look for me here. I'm not planning to stay much in any case, believe me."

"Thank God," Barkin muttered with a sigh of relief, then his gaze fell on his hands and feet "is she the one who did…_this_ to you?"

"Yes, but--" Monkey Fist trailed off as Barkin suddenly patted his shoulder.

"I'm truly sorry, man, I know what it's like," he said, clearly unaware of the fact the monkey man had gotten himself involved with DNAmy with the specific purpose of getting those limbs.

"Actually…"

"Er…Mr. B?" Ron tried to get his attention back before Monkey Fist began rambling of Mystical Monkey Power, Monkey Masters, destiny and so on, convincing Barkin to actually call an ambulance "I should get into the classroom…"

Barkin blinked as if he had suddenly snapped out of some horrible dream. "Oh, right – sure you have to, Stoppable. We have the history test, remember?"

One glance to Ron's horrified expression was enough of an answer, and enough to restore Barkin's good mood. No, he didn't remember.

* * *

"Aw, man, I had completely forgotten about the history test!" Ron groaned as he took another look at the paper Barkin had just laid on his desk.

"I take it you're not prepared…"

"Hey, these last few days have been busy and…" Ron paused and blinked "hey, that's _great_!"

"Does that mean that you are actually prepared? My, I'm shocked," Monkey Fist said dryly, trying his best to not slide off the chair he and Stoppable were currently sharing – not without difficulties.

"Well…no, really I'm not," Ron grinned sheepishly "but you _are_."

"Excuse me?"

"C'mon, you're an archaeologist! This test must be just dumb for you!"

Monkey Fist turned as much as he could to glance at the paper. "As a matter of fact it is, as you put it, _dumb_. Your teacher must really be desperate to give you a decent grade."

"Hey!"

"I was merely stating the obvious."

"Nice," Ron muttered, rolling his eyes and glancing around to make sure Barkin wasn't looking at them "so, what about the pre-Columbian populations' religions?"

"I _humbly_ beg your pardon?"

"C'mon, just a little help!" Ron nearly whined "you _must_ know something about this stuff!"

"Obviously, and more than 'something', " Monkey Fist said dryly "what escapes me is why on earth I should help you. You are one annoying, worthless, inept waste of space that constantly steps in my way, stole the power that was meant for me and moreover makes a mockery of everything I ever worked for. If I could reach for your neck or any vital part of you, Stoppable, you would be _dead_. Considering this, provide me one good reason why I should _help_ you. "

Ron blinked before scratching his chin in thought. "Because…er…I'll give you a banana when we get back?"

Monkey Fist scoffed and turned away. "Pathetic," he muttered.

"Silence over there!" came Barkin's voice "or I will have to separate…uh…" he shrugged a Monkey Fist glared daggers at him "whatever. Keep quiet."

"Tell me once again why on earth am I _here_," the monkey man growled under his breath.

"Uh…because my mother was ready to stick a fork up your nose if you made miss school?"

Monkey Fist pondered for a moment. Yes, that sounded like a good reason.

* * *

"You know, you could at least have helped me _a little_," Ron nearly whined they walked out of the classroom – well, as Monkey Fist walked out of the classroom with him hanging from his back, still ignoring the students' curious gazes. That test had been a true disaster – the suckiest test in the history of sucking. Ron couldn't see it, but he could easily picture the smug expression on Monkey Fist's face. Oh, well, at least he could claim the record for the Worst Test Ever.

"And deny myself the pleasure of watching you squirm?" the monkey man said with a smirk "never."

"This is just unfair, dude."

"Says the one who stole Mystical Monkey Power from me."

Kim couldn't help but smile a little as she listened their bantering. She had to admit, they could be quite amusing. "He has a point," she said with a small shrug, causing Ron to roll his eyes and turn to glance to the portion of Monkey Fist's face he could see from there.

"I told you, I had to! Will you _ever _drop it?"

"Not likely."

"Alright, stop here you two - here's my locker."

Monkey Fist raised an eyebrow as Kim began unlocking it. "And I should care because…?"

"You should care because _this_," she pointed at some kind of screen inside the locker "will allow us to contact Wade and ask him if he found out anything about Dementor's whereabouts. Unless, of course, you want to do that later and enjoy some more time--"

"NO!" both Ron and Monkey Fist immediately shouted before pausing and glaring at each other. Well, at the parts of each other they could glare at by turning.

"Then stay there and shut up," Kim said, tuning back at the screen as it switched on "_please_, Wade, tell me you found something…"

Wade shook his head. "Not yet, I'm afraid – Dementor isn't in any of his usual lairs. I'm still trying to locate him."

"Aren't you supposed to be _genius_, boy?" Monkey Fist muttered with a grimace. Wonderful, he thought, it looked like he was going to have to spend more time with Stoppable stuck on his back. Could it get any worse?

"What does it mean, 'not yet'? Wade, you _have _to find him! Being stuck with this guy is a nightmare!"

"Oh, is it? Odd, I was about to say the same for you," Monkey Fist seethed, gritting his teeth.

"Hey, I'm _trying_," Wade protested, glaring at Monkey Fist "and I don't see _you _doing much of anything anyway."

"I fail to see how anyone could accomplish anything while having to carry _this _dead weight around," he said dryly, gesturing at Ron, who cringed.

"Hey, was that a death threat or something?" he asked.

Money Fist grinned. "Not really," he said, "but if you wish to hear one, it would be no trouble to me…" he added, causing Ron to yelp.

"You know, I don't think it would be a good idea to threaten him with me around," Kim said somewhat sharply "especially since you can't fight that well with a 'dead weight' on your back," she added, causing Monkey Fist to snarl and Ron to blink – he wasn't sure if he should be grateful because Kim had defended him or outraged because she had defined him as a dead weight as well.

"You know, I think 'living weight' would fit me better. How about 'living weight that wishes to stay alive'?" Ron blabbered on, causing Monkey Fist to roll his eyes "it's a bit long, but maybe we could shorten it – LWTWTSA. Gemini told me it's called an acronym – cool, uh? No, wait, it's a mouthful to say. How about…?"

"Has he been like this the whole time?" Kim asked, giving Monkey Fist something resembling to a sympathetic look for the first time.

The monkey man sighed as he dropped his shoulders, his voice oddly weary. "Don't even get me started."

* * *

"What in the world is _this _supposed to be?" Monkey Fist demanded to know, looking absolutely baffled as he glance down at the tray Kim had just put on the table.

"Monkey Fist, meet Mystery Meat," Kim said with a shrug as Ron grabbed the tray, looking anything but enthusiastic "there was only this today other than salad, and Ron would eat anything but that."

"You didn't reply to my question – what's in there?" the monkey man grimaced as he looked at the tray again. Was it just him, or that…_thing _had just moved? Dear God, he had eaten better looking stuff when he had been lost for two weeks in the Amazon rainforest at the beginning of his career as an explorer – and in the worst moments, he had been eating _insects_.

"Dude we don't know it – that's why it's called Mystery Meat," Ron said, poking the tuff in his plate with a rather unhappy expression. Kim wondered if that sulky expression was only due to the Mystery Meat or had something to do with the fact he hadn't be able to take part to the cheerleader practice as the mascot since Monkey Fist had categorically refused to let him do a such thing dragging him in it. In all honesty, Kim couldn't blame him.

Monkey Fist raised an eyebrow. "I see. I suppose it's an attempt from your school to save money at expenses of your health."

Ron blinked. "You're making it sound bad."

Kim made a face. "Put that way, it _is _bad," she said, absentmindedly mixing her salad "I guess you're not eating then."

"Aside from the fact I don't eat meat, I think I'd starve rather than eating _that_," Monkey Fist said dryly.

"Well, it doesn't taste _too _bad," Ron said with a shrug "I'm not eating it all, so you could--"

"No, _thank you. _You can keep this poison for yourself," the monkey man cut him off as he turned away, trying his best to ignore his own grumbling stomach as Ron began eating rather noisily and taking a mental note to never recur to poison to eliminate Stoppable should he ever get that desperate. He was clearly immune. Then again, poison would take away all the pleasure of taking away his life himself…

His morbid thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a sudden beeping sound. "What's the sitch, Wade?" Kim asked, holding up the Kimmunicator.

"Good news, Kim – I located Dementor! He's got a brand new lair, so it was difficult to track him down."

"Booyah!"

"That's great! Give us the coordinates, and we're…what?" she asked as Monkey Fist held out his hand.

"Unless you really want to look for trouble, there is a much simpler way to settle this," he said "tell your computer genius to get us in contact with Dementor, and let me speak with him."

"Why you?" Kim asked suspiciously, still keeping the Kimmunicator out of his reach.

"Because Dementor would never gladly give the de-bonding formula to _you_, but he could handle it to _me_. Isn't it in everyone's interest here that the buffoon and I can be separated without any unnecessary trouble?"

Ron raised his hand. "Agreed," he said. He really didn't feel like staying stuck with Monkey Fist one moment more, let alone going out for a _mission_.

Kim sighed - he did have a point. "Okay, fine," she said "Wade?"

"I'll get you in the system in a moment."

"Okay," she said, unwillingly handling Monkey Fist the Kimmunicator "but I'll stay here to check," she added, getting up to stand right next to him.

"Fair enough."

Monkey Fist was hardly an expert when it came to what an actual villain lair should look like since his own castle had always been enough of a lair to him, but as Wade's face disappeared from the screen, he had expected to see at least some of Dementor's henchmen sitting in front of the screen – he could recall Gemini complaining about henchmen only being capable of sitting in front of screens all day, which had only convinced him that monkeys made much better minions than humans – thus he absolutely wasn't prepared to the sight that greeted his eyes: the room was empty except for two figures, one of which was undoubtedly Drakken, fighting on the floor.

Monkey Fist sighed, rolling his eyes. That Drakken and Dementor would fight was hardly a surprise; the only thing he wondered was what exactly how the blue skinned scientist had gotten into Dementor's lair, but that was none of his concern after all – all he wanted was thee de-bonding solution: after he got that, those two could tear each other apart if so they wished. He opened his mouth to get their attention, but whatever he was about to say died in his throat as he looked closer.

…wait a minute. They _were_ fighting, right? He squinted to look better, and he found himself unable to utter a single word. No, they were not fighting. Not even close.

"_What in the world…?" _he nearly screeched, causing Drakken and Dementor to suddenly break apart, scrambling to get back on their feet as they somewhat tried to adjust their clothing.

"You? Vhat do you _vant_?" Dementor yelled, his usually yellow-tinted face reddening with both anger and embarrassment. Drakken, on the other had, was turning into a rather interesting shade of purple as he quickly tied back his hair in the usual ponytail.

"Dear _God_, couldn't you take such business in other places?" Monkey Fist nearly bellowed, his voice at least two octaves higher than usual as he stared at them with widened eyes, completely oblivious of the fact he had been the one to show up unexpectedly in Dementor's lair.

"Oh, _forgive_ me for assuming ve could do vhat ve vanted inside _my_ _lair_," Dementor yelled back, clearly much less embarrassed than Drakken was.

"A lair provided with _screens_ that people could switch on in any moment!"

"It's not like I ever _told_ you to take a peek! You got here _uninvited_!"

"Yes, and I wish I hadn't," Monkey Fist closed his eyes – it surprised him that his eyes were still in their sockets after what he had witnessed – and took a deep breath, trying to calm down. Yes, it had been kind of a surprise and definitely not a pleasant one, but after all whatever those two did behind closed doors had no relevance for him – besides, he had to get the de-bonding formula from Dementor, and starting a yelling contest with him after invading his privacy probably wasn't exactly the best way to get his help.

He opened his eyes and quickly glanced at Possible, who was staring at the scene on the Kimmunicator, her mouth hanging open and looking like her eyes were about to fall from their sockets – it was clear he wouldn't get much help from her. As for Stoppable, who was currently trying to take a peek over his shoulder whining because he wanted someone to explain him what he was missing…well, he didn't even take him into consideration for help. The monkey man sighed and tried to speak as calmly as he could. "Alright, I apologize for the…intrusion," he said "unfortunately, I had to urgently contact you. It's about--"

"Hey, what are you doing with Kim Possible?" Drakken finally spoke, pointing at the teen heroine through the screen – who was still gaping at them, opening and closing her mouth without managing to utter a single word. Drakken blushed a little more, feeling a sudden urge to ask her to stop _staring_ at him like that – it's not every day that you have your arch-nemesis surprising you making out with your own rival in evil after all.

"I'm here too, you know!" Ron exclaimed, still trying without success to see what was happening "hey, KP, what's going on? KP? Kim? You okay? Wha-- ow!" he yelped as Monkey Fist elbowed his side to make him shut up.

"That's exactly the reason why I had to contact you – I'm stuck with Stoppable, and--"

"You're stuck with who?"

Monkey Fist rolled his eyes. "Her sidekick," he said, quickly raising the Kimmunicator over his shoulders to let them see Ron, who frowned.

"Hey, what is Drakken doing there?" he asked, but he received no reply as Monkey Fist brought the Kimmunicator in front of his own face again "can't _anyone_ pay attention to me?"

"As you can see, we're stuck together – thanks to your bonding solution," the monkey man said with a slight grimace.

"Oh, zat!" Dementor said with a shrug "vas vondering if ze buffoon got stuck to anyone."

"He definitely did," Monkey Fist said dryly "and I'd very much like to have the de-bonding formula as soon as possible, if you don't mind…"

"Vell, I _do_ mind! You…appeared here vithout being invited, interrupted my privacy and nov you expect me to handle you a secret formula like _zat_?"

Monkey Fist snarled. Fine, he had _tried _to play nice. "Yes, that's exactly what I expect you to do, unless you want your little…" he glanced at Drakken with a slightly disgusted expression "…_escapade_ to become of public knowledge."

"What?" Drakken seemed terrified by the thought "hey, wait, let's talk about it…" he tried to speak, but whatever said next was covered by Dementor's bellowing.

"Zat's blackmail! Zhere is no vay I'm submitting to _blackmail_!" he screamed, his hands balling into fists.

"Suit yourself," Monkey Fist said with a shrug "very well, I guess we'll meet again at the next convention…"

"No, wait!" Drakken yelled, waving his hands with an almost panicked expression on his face "okay, okay, you'll get your formula or whatever, alright?"

Monkey Fist gave a satisfied smirk. "Now that's more like it."

"Vhat?" Dementor began, but he was immediately cut off as Drakken's hand want to his mouth to make him shut up.

"Ignore him, he had one too many drinks," the blue skinned scientist said quickly "look, I'll get that de-bonding stuff out of him and have it delivered wherever you are immediately, and…and…can't you make Kim Possible stop _staring_?" he nearly pleaded. He wasn't new to awkward situations, but that one _really_ took the cake.

"Uh?" Monkey Fist turned to look at the teen heroine. Unlike Stoppable, who kept squirming and asking to know what was going on, she hadn't uttered a single word, and he had nearly forgotten about her presence. She was apparently too struck with horror to do much else but staring mouth agape. She looked like her brain had just frozen. "Possible, if the sight is too disturbing for you, you better stop gaping," he said, turning slightly so she couldn't see the screen of the Kimmunicator anymore. Kim shuddered a little, but she didn't protest or try to look at the Kimmunicator again, which didn't surprise Monkey Fist at all.

"Now she isn't staring," he said "how about that de-bonding solution?"

Drakken turned to give Dementor a nearly pleading look – it was clear he didn't want any of their…colleagues to know – and the shorter man sighed. "Fine, _fine_, you'll have your formula, you _baboon,_" he barked, glaring at the monkey man "but I vant your vord zat…"

"You have my word that no one will know about your…relationship from me _or_ Team Possible," he said, marking the last words and glaring at Kim, who nodded numbly.

"What?" came Ron's voice from behind his back as he finally began to put two and two together "relationship? Who? Drakken and Dementor? Are you _kidding_, man?"

"Shut up, Stoppable," Monkey Fist growled, taking a mental note to deal with him later so he will remember to keep his mouth shut. He had never given much value to promises when he could gain advantage from breaking them, but since there wouldn't be any advantage in revealing Drakken and Dementor's secret, he would rather keep his word. He had a reputation to maintain after all – he didn't want any of them to think of him as untrustworthy. He could need them sooner or later after all.

"Wrong!" Ron shrieked from behind his back "sick and wrong!"

"I said _shut up_," he snarled, elbowing him again "as I was saying, you have my word that no one will know – send someone to deliver the de-bonding formula here to Middleton, and no one will ever know about this."

Dementor's eyes narrowed. "Can ve trust you?"

"Do you have any other choice?" Monkey Fist replied smoothly, a smirk playing on his lips – he had the upper hand, and they both knew it.

"Ve don't," Dementor admitted, folding his arms on his chest with a frown "fine, I'll send one of my henchmen vith ze de-bonding solution."

"A wise choice," the monkey man smirked "you won't regret it."

"I hope so, because you'll be the one who'll have regrets if anyone speaks," Drakken grumbled, then he blinked and shrugged as both Dementor and Monkey Fist stared at him. "Hey, what? We're all villains. I thought a threat would fit."

Monkey Fist nodded. "I suppose it does," he said before turning to look at Kim – who, truth to be told, was starting to look less pale than a minute before. He had to admire her capability of recovering. "Anyway, I guarantee that none of us will breathe a word about this. Am I correct?" he asked.

Kim nodded quickly. "Not a word," she said, and the expression on her face was enough to tell she simply couldn't wait to just forget what she had seen.

"Stoppable?"

"Not a word," Ron said, waving his hand from behind Monkey Fist's shoulder before muttering something that sounded much like 'wrongsick' under his breath.

"Fine – because if you break your word, I will break _you_," the monkey man informed him, causing him to cringe, then he turned back to the Kimmunicator "have the formula delivered to Ron Stop--" he trailed off at both villains' confused expressions "I mean, at Kim Possible's home as soon as you can. I don't want to spend one moment more than necessary stuck with this buffoon," he said before switching off the Kimmunicator and handling it back to Kim, who took it numbly.

"Now that I think about it, do tell that so called boy genius to keep his mouth shut as well in case he recorded this," he said, then he sighed and dropped his shoulders "dear God, of all things witnessed in my life, this has to be the most sickening. And I'm including _everything_ related to Amy Hall."

"Tell me about it – man, that will give me nightmares for the rest of my _life_!" Ron complained "I need brainsoap! Lots of it!"

"Just be glad you didn't have to _see_ them, Stoppable," Monkey Fist said with a shudder. If it could serve to forget the sight of the two villains making out, he was pretty sure he could gladly kiss DNAmy right on her mouth and still keep his lunch down. Well, almost sure. "Possible?" he called somewhat wearily, resting a simian hand over his eyes.

"What?" Kim asked, shaking her head as if it could be enough to make the mental images go away.

"I seem to recall your mother is a brain surgeon, isn't she?"

Kim nodded, surprised. "Yes. Why do you ask?"

Monkey Fist grimaced. "Do you think it would be too much trouble for her to perform a lobotomy?"

* * *

"So, did you do what I asked?"

"Yeah, I let Dementor know he had to send you some more bonding solution together with the antidote – by message, though. I'm not hacking my way on any screen of any of his lairs ever again," the boy said with a shudder.

"Tell me about it," Kim cringed a little "and how about…?"

"I already contacted her and got her a ride. She'll be there more or less by the time Dementor's henchmen are there with that stuff, unless I miscalculated something."  
"You never do," Kim said with a smile "thanks, Wade."

"Anytime. But are you sure it's necessary?"

"Pretty much. Can you picture Monkey Fist quietly leaving, maybe thanking us for the quality time he spent with Ron?"

"Well…no. But right now, things seem to be rather quiet over there."

Kim frowned a little and turned to the living room's door. "Yeah, even too quiet. Maybe I better check."

* * *

Monkey Fist had never been one to be easily unnerved by silence – he rather enjoyed silence, actually. Then again, he mused as he kept his gaze focused in front of him in the attempt of ignoring Mr. Dr. Possible's hostile glances, that kind of silence was definitely unnerving.

"Tell me once again what is _he_ doing here," Kim's father finally snapped, putting away the newspaper he had been pretending to read to openly glare at Monkey Fist, who returned the glare.

Kim groaned inwardly, though it wasn't like he actually expected them to be any friendlier to each other. "Dad, I told you, he and Ron are stuck," she said and Ron waved unenthusiastically over Monkey Fist's shoulder as if to emphasize his presence "we are waiting for someone to bring the de-bonding formula here."

"And do they have to wait _here_?" he shot another glare at Monkey Fist "what's telling me he won't try to steal the car as soon as he's free?"

"Is there any _reason _why I would ever want to steal you car?" the monkey man asked, giving him an annoyed glance.

"Oh, right – I forgot it's _spacecrafts _you're after…"

Monkey Fist scoffed. "I see you are just as narrow-minded as your daughter," he said, causing Mr. Dr. Possible to grit his teeth and Kim to scowl "what I'm after is my destiny as the--"

"Hey, so _he's_ the monkey obsessed psycho you told us about," a kid's voice came from the doorway, causing everyone to turn.

"Not _now_, Tweebs," Kim nearly groaned.

"_Psycho?" _Monkey Fist seethed, glaring daggers at Kim.

"Well…"

"So, you're the one who got genetic mutation to be like a monkey, uh?"

"What do you _think_?" he aid dryly, still glaring at Kim.

"And that stole that spacecraft two years ago?"

"Yes."

"Cool!"

Mr. Dr. Possible didn't seem happy at all of his sons' obvious enthusiasm. "Stealing a spacecraft is not cool, it's--" whatever he said next was promptly covered by a loud rumbling noise.

"Hey, a jet is landing on the backyard!"

"Coo--" Tim trailed off as another noise was heard – a loud crashing sound "…okay, not cool," he said, still looking out of the window.

Kim made a face. "That didn't sound good."

"What happened?" Ron asked, trying to take a peek and only getting a close view of the back of Monkey Fist's neck "hey, dude, ever thought about getting rid of these neck hairs? They tickle!"

"Stoppable…"

"Alright, shutting up."

Mr. Dr. Possible groaned, resting a hand over his eyes and refusing to look through the window. "Tell me it wasn't the car."

"It wasn't the car," Jim reassured him.

"Really?"

Tim shrugged. "Uh…no. It was."

Their father sighed. "This is all your fault," he said, turning to look at Monkey Fist – who, truth to be told, was doing nothing to hide the smirk that was curling his lips.

"Oh, really? How so?"

"If you weren't stuck to Ron, no jet would have landed on my backyard!"

"Looks like you were misinformed – I didn't get stuck to the buffoon, it was the buffoon that got stuck on me. There is a rather significant difference."

"This doesn't change the fact a _jet_ landed on my car."

"My condolences," Monkey Fist said dryly "do you want funeral flowers, or a simple sympathy postcard could do?"

Mr. Dr. Possible opened his mouth to speak, but he closed it without saying anything as the doorbell rang. "What should I expect now?"

"Something looking like a bad guy's henchman, I guess," Kim said, opening the door to see one of Dementor's henchmen standing on the doorway. Jackpot, she thought.

"Good evening," the man said, handling her a large vial and a spherical object "Professor Dementor ordered me to deliver these here."

"Perfect – thanks a lot and have a nice trip back to the lair," Kim said quickly, taking both object and turning, the spherical object hidden behind her back as she raised the vial for everyone to see it "here's the de-bonding solution!"

"Booyah!" Ron cheered.

"It was about time," Monkey Fist scoffed, but he smirked a little as his eyes rested on the vial. Finally! He could now break free and make Stoppable pay for everything he had been forced to endure – and, while he was at it, to make sure he would never be able to step in his way ever again.

"Hey, it wasn't my fault if it took a while, you know," she said, approaching him and Ron "now stay still," she added before opening the vial and pouring its content on the point were their back were joined.

It happened to quickly that Ron didn't have the time to brace himself for his feet touching the ground again. "Ow!" he yelped as he fell on the floor, no longer attached to Monkey Fist's back, but he quickly got up and smiled as he realized he wasn't stuck to his worst enemy anymore. "Booyah!" Ron exulted as he stepped away from the monkey man "it worked!"

"Finally!" Monkey Fist took a moment to crack his back – carrying Stoppable's weight around hadn't exactly been a joy– and to laugh maniacally before he turned to Ron. He better waste no time, especially since they were not expecting that. He could grab Stoppable, run outside, and deal with him in some place where Kim Possible wouldn't find them until it was too late. "Now I can make you suffer for what you made me endure! Once I'm done with you, you'll be begging me to finish--"

"Uh…Monkey Fist?" Kim called almost casually, causing him to stop laughing and turn to look at her.

"What--" he began, but he was cut off as Kim threw some kind of spherical object at him. He instinctively caught it, only realizing what a mistake it was as a cloud of smoke suddenly came out from the object, surrounding him and causing him to cough. "What in the world…?"

"Just some more of Dementor's bonding solution," Kim said with a grin "if you touch anyone for whatever reason in the next two hours, you'll get stuck to them. Again."

Monkey Fist narrowed his eyes. "A clever trick, I have to admit," he said "but it won't be enough to stop me – I don't need to touch any of you directly to eliminate you. Any object can become a lethal weapon in my hands," he said, turning his gaze back on Ron, who cringed.

"Yeah, sure, but you might want to reconsider…" he blabbered, taking a step back.

"Oh, but it isn't not touching _us_ that you should worry about," Kim said quietly, the grin on her face widening.

Monkey Fist froze in his tracks and turned again to look at her, a slightly worried look finally starting to show up on his face as he saw her smug, satisfied expression. "Excuse me?" he asked, trying to chase away the horrible suspect that was making its way in his mind – but no, it couldn't be, she simply couldn't have thought up such a vile trap…!

His worst suspicions were however confirmed as a horribly familiar, cheerful shrill reached his ears, causing him to yelp and frantically look around either for the owner of that voice or a way to escape. _"Yoo-ooh, monkey muffin!"_

Kim smiled. Wade had been right: the timing was perfect. "Looks like someone wants to give you a hug, _Lord Fiske_," she said, stepping away from the door as it flung open.

"Oh, here you are, cuddle monkey!" DNAmy chirped in delight, running towards him, her arms open "I was starting to get worried!"

Monkey Fist opened his mouth, either to speak or scream, but no sound came out. For a moment he just stood there, too struck with horror to do much of anything – he barely had enough time to recover and dodge her, avoiding her embrace by mere inches. "No! Stay away! Stay away from me!"

"Oh, no need to be shy, sweetums!" she said before turning to Kim and Ron "he's a little shy, you know…"

"Yeah, I see," Ron said with a grin, looking at Monkey Fist, who glared daggers at him before jumping back again to avoid being hugged by DNAmy.

"I'm not shy – I want you to stay _away_ from me!" he nearly shrieked, trying to stay as far form her as he could and desperately looking around for a way to escape "if you touch me--" he began, but he immediately shut his mouth as he realized that knowing they would get stuck would most likely be just one more reason for her to try. "Just _stay away_!"

"Aw, will you ever stop playing hard to get?" DNAmy said with a giggle, clearly failing to realize he was being dead serious "c'mon, honey bunny, let me--"

"NO!" Monkey Fist shrieked, finally spotting his way out – an open window – and bolting towards it, jumping outside and landing on the backyard.

"That way," Kim said, turning to DNAmy and pointing to a door "you could intercept him out there – but don't let him hear you when you get out, I bet he'd love to be surprised!"

"Oh, thanks a lot!" Amy chirped, happily walking outside. Inside the room, there was a moment of silence.

"What did just happen?" Mr. Dr. Possible finally asked, blinking.

His daughter waved her hand. "Well…you're better off not knowing, maybe."

"Hey, KP, wasn't that a tad cruel?" Ron asked, though looking rather amused.

She shrugged. "Well, it's just a way to motivate him to get away from here. Besides, he could still get--"

She trailed off as a gleeful shrill – that sounded much like 'got you!' – came from outside, immediately followed by a terrible cry of utter despair.

"…okay, scratch that – he didn't get away. But hey, at least one of them is happy."

Ron snickered. "Yeah, I bet she's happy enough for both of them," he said before scratching his chin in thought "you know, maybe he really likes her."

Kim turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, just a little…"

Kim's eyebrow went even higher.

"Hey, it was just a thought – don't look at me like that," Ron shrugged "how about getting out? I feel like Bueno Nacho!" he exclaimed, completely ignoring the screams and oaths of revenge that kept coming from outside.


End file.
